Thursday, December 7, 2006

stipulations

dear person I hope to marry:

Once I know your name, I will use a comma after I address you. Commas are much more personal than colons. However, you should know that once I meet you, I never want to change a light bulb again. I hate light bulbs and another one has gone out.

Also, please always pump the gas in my car. it is dirty and i do not like touching the handle.

I hope you like very organized closets and drawers, because that is my specialty. I am also good at dusting.


13 comments:

Lindsey said...

how could any man resist that proposition?

Anonymous said...

wow, that's some personals ad you've got there...

Brooke said...

good thing you put the dusting in there... that's the kicker.

by the way, did you know that it's against the law to pump your own gas in NJ? Something about job creation and all that. In the winter it's a REAL perk.

rachel said...

hahaha, love the post.

yeah we never got out of the car at gas (petrol) stations overseas. it took some getting used to once i moved to the states and was a while before i became comfortable with it. tis a silly thing...

Anonymous said...

You should buy fluorescent bulbs. They aren't that expensive anymore, use way less power, don't get as hot, and last a whole lot longer - in other words, you don't have to change them nearly as often.

It used to be that their light didn't look very "friendly" or "warm", but they've fixed that. I use them all over my house, and I haven't had to change one yet. I just keep replacing the old kind with the new as they burn out.

Anonymous said...
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rob said...

to be totally honest, you can't get any more personal than a colon. i don't recollect any commas inside me.

so i guess in your case, you'd give him a nuptial colonoscopy.

perhaps you should add that to the list.

Anonymous said...
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karin said...

Dear Paul,

Thank you for offering to come change my light bulbs. I really appreciate it.

No...wait. You didn't offer.

Nevermind.

- john said...

You know, you can hire people to do those things. I was a personal assistant, I should know.

Anonymous said...

wow. looks like i spammed you with comments. oopsies.

Anonymous said...

I live overseas. Usually, gas comes full-service.

Also, I have to change my own lightbulbs. Sometimes those go out just as soon as you put them in. That happened to me just this past week.

Did you know that it is also illegal to pump your own gas in Oregon? Guess that's 'cause it's like a foreign country.

Zach said...

I'll change your light bulbs for you if you want :o)