Swing quote of the night:

Swing quote of the night:

Karin (confused): "What was that?"
Dance partner: "I just really wanted to do the bunny dance."

on conversing with baristas

Starbucks guy: Hey doll.
me: [thinking] (This conversation is getting blogged. No matter how uninteresting our dialogue might be, this--this thing here--this is getting blogged. He called me a doll.)

Starbucks guy: What can I get you?
me: I'd like a grande, non-fat half-caff latte. 3 Splenda. No-foam but with whip.
Starbucks guy: That's a pretty pretentious drink you've got there
me: I know what I like
Starbucks guy: Can I get a name for the order?
me: Karin. And that's Karin with an "I"
Starbucks guy: You're pretty intense, you know that?

- time to pay -

Starbucks guy: Whoa. Did you just give me exact change? Down to the penny?
me: Actually, I need fifty cents back. I gave more so I could have two quarters back
Starbucks guy: I should've figured.

fasting

Andrea: "I thought you were fasting the internet every night?"

Karin: "Oh, I am. I just prefer to start after I check my email."

for the love of family

Voicemail from my sister:

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I really think you should do eHarmony. People get to know you through writing, which I think would work out better for you than face to face. I mean, I'd do it, but I don't think it would go over too well with the current relationship."

Love you too, sis.

p.s. In other things of note, a co-worker complimented me today on matching, only furthering my insecurities on how much of a rarity this actually is.

Wise and Otherwise, part Deux

Dear David,

You should know that I just spent the last 3.5 minutes cursing at you (under my breath, of course) because I could not find a link to my website from your page, and you know how we have gone over this before. I was fully prepared to write a flaming post at your expense. However, in your defense, I did find my blog. Yet, I hold this against you: I am blog link number 18. EIGHTEEN. Additionally, my grouping is neither with "Links" nor "Gateways", is neither "Wise" nor "Otherwise." Rather, I am Other. OTHER? I am appalled.

Granted, the title "Her Other Blog is Facebook" did make me chuckle.

i'm home

Actual voicemail from my sister:
" Welcome back to the State of the Union!

Wait...is that how you say it?
Or is it welcome back to one of the states of the union?"

Dear Kristin:
Why does your message make me start singing Hail to the Chief?

psychoanalysis

conversation between friends

karin: "So, would you conisder yourself a verbal processor?"
nate: "Um...uh...well....uh.....hmmm." (clears throat) "Um....what do you mean?"
karin: "i'm going to take that as a....no."

time travel

tonight, i called chris from the future. I was in 2007 and he was still trapped in 2006. it wasn't that funny talking to him because i was like, "oh, that joke is so 2006...."

though it may not seem like it, this blog was actually funnier in person.

pucker

Rob: You bring your toothbrush to work?
Karin: yeah.
Rob: What, are you trying to kiss somebody?
Karin: I'm prepared in season and out of season.

[beat]

Rob: Did you know that in a blind test, some girls thought they were kissing male models but were really kissing chimpanzees?
Karin: I'd better grab the lip gloss too.

on shopping for glasses

eye consultant: "Your definitely going to want to stay with the plastic lenses."
me: "Why? Because that's what's in style?"
eye consultant: "No. Because with that prescription, your going to need to do everything you can to hide the thickness."
me: [beat] "I get that a lot."

tech support

while in Hungary, a pipe burst over my cubicle resulting in a host of water-damaged moldy books, a smattering of ceiling insulation specks strewn about the floor, and a now defunct telephone. the story that is about to ensue involves said phone.

the place i work is large enough to warrant its own tech support. i walk over to the help desk and explain my situation. "My phone doesn't work," I say. They create a work order and I believe my situation to be remedied in a few short hours.

several hours later, the response i get nicely packaged in an email:

Customer (Karin Tome): Her phone is not turned on.
Response: Will contact user.
Response: Called user. She's not available. Left voice mail.

quick

conversation between my co-workers:

Brett: "We sure hit the nail on the head with that one" (referring to a recently completed project)
Karin: "Cha-ching!"
Russ: "Why does your hammer sound like a cash register?"
Karin: "Because I'm money"

misspoken

Karin to married co-worker: "Wanna strip?!"
Co-worker: [SHOCKED]

AWKWARD SILENCE

Karin realizes phrase "Wanna strip?" is not the best way to find out if said co-worker wants to eat one of her chicken strips from Chick-fil-A.

mush

i cooked again.

Andrea: How was the soup you made?

Karin: It was rice.

Andrea: Oh...Hmm.

pedicure, part II

A roommate dialogue

Karin: Oh, I forgot to tell you! While I was getting my pedicure tonight, the funniest thing happened! Here, let me demonstrate. [Karin proceeds to act out getting her feet massaged. Legs raised in the air]
Andrea: Wait. Weren't you wearing a skirt?
Karin: Yes.
Andrea: So.....you were flashing her?
Karin: Is that why she put a towel over my legs?!
Andrea: Yes. I've never been given a towel.
Karin: Anyways, that's not the point. Back to the story.....
Andrea: Why were your legs in the air?
Karin: Because she was massaging them.
Andrea: Mine never go in the air.
Karin: Oh. Well, mine weren't actually all the way up in the air. They were resting on her chest.
Andrea: What?!
Karin: It was awkward.

memory

Today (March 6) is Shaquille O'Neal's birthday. For some reason, this fact has been in my brain since 1997. I have an uncanny ability to remember birthdays of everyone except for my friend Paul (I always celebrate on June 21 when I believe he should have been born) and my aunt Cindy (I still don't know the date but it was last week sometime).

In fact, I saw Cindy's daughter, Jessica, this weekend and here's how the conversation went:
Jessica: My mom's birthday was this week.
Karin: Really? But did you know that Shaq's birthday is Monday?!

And then, I honestly had a countdown in my head. On Saturday morning, I thought "Oh, 2 days 'till Shaq's birthday!"

And now his birthday has come and gone.

Time for a completely unrelated note: I have Shaq's autograph in my 7th grade yearbook. SHAQ SIGNED MY YEARBOOK! How weird is that?!

banter

a blog podcast from me to you

twin

People say the twenty-somethings comprise the Seinfeld generation. Given this IM conversation today, I'd have to agree.

And zach, that should make hit #34 to the ol' podcast.

(11:42:34) karin: i've got this friend here who I think is your twin
(11:44:01) matt: people always tell me this. ok, not always. but my friend Nicole says her brother is the non-me version of me. and this was confirmed by our mutual friends who've met him.
(11:44:11) matt: (your friend doesn't, by any chance, have a sister named Nicole?)
(11:45:01) karin: no, but he has a nephew named Ocean
(11:45:51) karin: i think you sound alike
(11:46:00) karin: you can hear his voice on my blog
(11:46:53) matt: ok, he's teaching 8th grade, which clearly isn't me. but his 'what have i been reading lately' is sort of me.
(11:47:32) karin: listen to his voice! that's your voice!
(11:47:45) matt: this isn't Zach the husband of TMA-person Zach? that's totally not my voice.
(11:48:02) karin: no, this is a new zach
(11:48:12) karin: and that's totally your voice
(11:48:15) karin: go listen to your voicemail
(11:48:47) matt: my voicemail pulls down mad kudos all the time. this is not a voicemail-kudos voice.
(11:49:01) matt: he sounds like Harry Connick, Jr.

things you don't want to hear at a doctor's appt

"So, did you just sit on your glasses, or do they always look like that?"

oblivious

My friend Rob was writing a little article blurb about Christians who live in closed countries. Obviously trying to be funny, he writes something like, "my friend Joe lives in a country that rhymes with 'Fina'."

Sadly, it took a remarkably long time for me to figure out what country that might be. Syria.......Sweden.........Iraq (thinking maybe it was a play on the letters)......Nigeria......the list went on. Suddenly, I sat up straighter at my desk and yelled (with tremendous glee) "OH, China!"