Getting a Brazil Visa or How to Poke your Eye out with a Churro

Editorial update: in full disclosure and in the spirit of harmony and goodwill, it is worth stating clearly that the visa process between the United States and Brazil is one of reciprocity. In other words, whatever the United States imposes on Brazilian citizens, Brazil will impose on United States citizens. To read what Brazilians must go through to get a visa to the US, click here. It is a doozy. No side has the upper hand. It is also worth mentioning that I personally know people who have been denied visas to the United States simply because of their age, nationality, or marital status. These issues are complex and political. It is not uncommon for many people around the world to wait months to acquire a visa and still need to fly to a neighboring country to reach the nearest embassy, only to be denied upon arrival. Just today I read about a nomadic ethnic group that continues to be denied citizenship and therefore without rights. These are complex issues that demand serious attention. I welcome your thoughts in the comments section below.


I'm going to Brazil in a couple of weeks and even though the Brazilian tourism website tells us it's the #1 most requested visa destination for Americans, it's easier to eat a hamburger in India than it is to get a visa for this country. Which goes to show you: never underestimate the power of American ingenuity and perseverance when it comes to lounging in string bikinis on the white sand beaches of Rio.

In case you decide to visit this wonderful country, allow me to give you a few tips:

• Be sure to start off with the Official Brazilian Embassy website. You will know if you have reached the correct place if the site looks like this:

• Silly me, the Embassy is in Washington, D.C. Instead, you need to visit your local consulate. In my case, that would be Miami. While getting your visa, you can also check out some nice Brazil girls for dating.

• If you still do not know what you need for a Brazilian visa, be sure to check out the State Department website. It's full of all sorts of helpful information, like where to avoid "quicknappings" and to be on the lookout for robbers and rapists who slip drugs into your drinks. 

• In my research and personal experience, I discovered the following paperwork is needed to acquire a Brazilian visa. Note: depending on the time of day, person you are speaking with, and alignment of certain planetary objects, each piece may or may not be needed. And you won't know if it is or not.

1. Passport
2. 3 months of paychecks
3. W2 form
4. Social Security number
5. Letter of invitation in Portuguese 
6. Letter of introduction by US company
7. Notarized letter of introduction
8. Drivers License of your employer who is not going to Brazil
9. Grandmother's name
10. Birthdate
11. Marital status
12. Purchased airline ticket
13. Yellow Fever shot
14. Printed web form written in Portuguese
15. 2x2 photo stapled
16. 2x2 photo glued
17. Postage paid envelope
18. Passport number
19. Home utilities bill
20. Your diary

Once I accumulated all the necessary paperwork and entrusted my most personal information to the FedEx guy, I thought I was home free. Two days later, I was informed by the outrageously expensive visa handling people that they did not have enough time to process my visa and my only option was to drive to Miami or cancel the trip. Then, they charged me $134.85 to mail my paperwork back to me. With that kind of money, I want the FedEx guy to show up in his purple shorts at my desk. Preferably with flowers.

And so, yesterday I piled in a Toyota Highlander with 4 others and we made the trek to Miami, Florida--the city that can either be described as the armpit of America or the one that puts the fun back in dysfunctional. You pick.

It should be noted that the Brazilian Consulate does not have an address that can be picked up on any GPS, they don't answer their telephone, but if you walk into enough tall buildings and speak Spanish to a security guard, you're bound to find it. It should also be noted that you must pay for the visa in exact change--but no cash or credit card is allowed. Instead, insert your money into an ATM machine that wires directly to the Bank of Brasilia. For Americans, $141. If you're from Singapore, you can sneak in for twenty bucks. 

Most importantly, the Brazilian Consulate is open only two hours a day. And they do not take appointments. Which means my next job is definitely to work at the nearest consulate.

When you arrive at the Consulate, you will receive a red ticket with a sharpie marker number scratched on the back. If it looks like a ticket you would receive at a county fair, then you are an excellent observer. Do not use your telephone in the room. The only exception to this is if you are a woman and the security guard thinks you're cute. In that case, talk loudly.

While you are waiting in this windowless room, sitting in government issued plastic chairs, be sure to admire the oversized framed posters of Brazilian beaches. Of course, it could also be Hawaii. Difficult to tell. 

And so, the journey to get a Brazilian visa is nearing the homestretch. All that effort and I still did not come back with one. Hopefully, my passport will be stamped in five to seven days. And I'm going to be on the lookout for that FedEx guy.

The Flying Cuddler

Dark eyes, military shaved cut, and a brown leather satchel bag. He had 13B and I was holding lucky ticket number 13A.

Whereas most people would greet a fellow seat mate with a friendly "hello" or better "Would you like to take the aisle?", this guy gives me the once over and says "You don't seem like a cuddler." Stunned, I did what any self-respecting girl would do. I pulled out my iPhone and posted it on facebook.

I should have been offended. At the very least, I should have flirted. But, you see, refer back to point A. Dark eyes. Military cut. Brown messenger bag. This guy could do no wrong. And then he offered to share his USB port with me. In the traveler's world, he who has power, is god. And he shared his power with me. The lowly turtleneck and leggings wearing non-cuddler.

When the meals came (he's gluten free), he offered up his banana. While I enjoyed pasta and brownies, he endured rice cake after rice cake. I like to think we bonded over the Nutella packets he snuck on the plane. But the real excitement came when we realized we were both headed to Addis Ababa. What are the odds that two people in Minneapolis would be flying all the way to Ethiopia? I can only name eight other people who were doing that same route. At this point I realized if true love was going to happen, then we had between 15-17 hours to make it so. I was up to the challenge.

He shared his sour patch kids with me. That's almost like kissing.

He noticed me in the KLM lounge and casually asked if I used Google Voice to text. That's almost like asking for my number.

On the next flight, he winked at me from his seat a few rows up. Surely there's a Michael Bolton song about that.

And then he gave the dreaded fist bump. The only thing worst than a fist bump is a side hug. And maybe  Typhoid.

And so it ends.

Africa: The Return

I went to Africa. Came back from Africa. And learned a few things along the way.


Observation #1
When going to Africa, it is best not to say this. Instead, Africans prefer you say you are going to Ghana. Or Kenya. Or Mozambique. Or Mali. I think this is because these are actually countries, as opposed to Africa, which is not a country. Africa is a continent. (note: I have already exceeded what is taught in American public school geography classes). These countries have flags, and unique languages, and national dishes. This is also why you cannot go to a restaurant that serves "African" food. Unless you are in the World Showcase at EPCOT.

Observation #2
In Kenya, they really do say hakuna matata. And it really does mean "no worries!"

Observation #3
Road signs, traffic lights.....meh, who needs 'em?

Observation #4
"Organized" places--like airports, for example--give the appearance of being systematized and rather conventional. But then, they are frequently missing those minor yet important details. Like signs. And gate information. Next time you're in the area, try to find Kenya Airways flight from Nairobi to Amsterdam. I dare you.

Observation #5
Their hospitality is remarkable. Seriously. Every morning at breakfast, each person greeted one another. It was like I stepped right into the Walton's kitchen. "Good morning, Karin. Good morning, Paul. Good morning, George." And 'round and 'round we went. To an American (me), this was completely inefficient. Just yell out a generic "'morning!" to the crowd. But to be personally greeted by so many was heartwarming. And a tea break where you actually stop working and drink tea and converse with other people, twice a day?! I think they're on to something. And the smiles of these guys! Oh, the smiles.

In all, it was an incredible trip. Here's why I went. And for the highly detailed among you (and the State Department, just in case they read this thing), I was in Accra, Ghana (West Africa) for several days and then took an overnight flight to Nairobi, Kenya (East Africa) to finish out the trip. I should also note, the weather in Kenya will be the weather in Heaven. I'm sure of it.

To see all the photos:

• (my favorites) Best of Africa (er, Ghana and Kenya) 
• Giraffes! 
• Ghana
• Nairobi

And last but certainly not least, I leave you with my very favorite part of Africa that I already miss the most. The singing!!

How not to survive jet lag (a true story)

1. Go to sleep at 2:30 AM
2. Set alarm for 8:15 AM
3. Wake up at 10:00 AM
4. Lie (lay?) in bed until 12:15 PM
5. Put on coffee
6. Forget that you put on coffee
7. Eat two waffles covered in freezer burn
8. Drink the now burned coffee that you just remembered you made at 2:00 PM while reading a book about the Duggar's
9. Fall asleep drinking coffee and reading the book
10. Move to the bed and set alarm for a 15 minute nap
11. Hit snooze for the next 2.5 hours
12. Dream that you forgot to put it in your calendar but you have a trip--to Thailand--on Saturday
13. Wake up, famished, and post your failure of a day for all the world to see

Bruises and shameless requests for help

Want to know how painful it is on the Richter scale to fall into a Thai bathtub? Very painful.

Not much more to report yet. It's almost noon here and I'll spend the rest of the day preparing for the various seminars and sessions which all kick off tomorrow. Just found out that my seminar on blogging is next Sunday afternoon which means I have an entire week to come up with something interesting to say. So to kick off this week of brainstorming, you! can help me prepare the talk! (in school we called this 'help me do my homework'). In all seriousness, question of the day:

What makes you stop following a blog or website?  

Oh yes, to continue the series.....

You know you're in Asia when....

       4. Little white slippers on a white towel greet you when you step out of bed in the morning

Update from Asia

This will be the first of a series of installments (I say that every time and I rarely fulfill my promise), of a new series (repeated 'series' twice. jet lag. hello.) I shall call "You know you're in Asia when....."

You know you're in Asia when.....

1. You are eye level with the shower head
2. You raise your hand and touch the ceiling 
3. The plates are square and perfect!!!! (huge win with me)

That's it for now. I just ran 5 miles on the treadmill which was the swankiest treadmill I have ever used. I do not think there was air conditioning in the room, but the treadmill had a plug for my iPod and would play movies and showed me the name of every song and told me I ran five miles when I was only on the treadmill for 38 minutes. Impossible, but I'll take it.

Ooh, the maid just rang the bell. I have a doorbell!!! Gotta run.

On worry, boots, and iodine tablets

I'm headed to Thailand on Friday and if you've never been to Thailand, you can watch about 37 full length feature films in flight before you land. That's how far away it is. I once asked the Delta agent who I was on the phone with to look at a map and stick one thumb-pin in Atlanta and another thumb-pin in Bangkok and see how far away it is. It's far. That's how long I traveled on Delta without being given any miles.

Right now, Thailand is dealing with pretty severe flooding. I look at this as an ideal opportunity to wear really cute rain boots. There's also a good chance this trip will introduce me to the power combo of iodine tablets and crystal light. Most importantly, I have all of Gilmore Girls, Season 1 queued up on the old iPad. Priorities, you know.

In all seriousness, please do keep the people of Thailand and this trip in your prayers. CNN reports that nearly 400 people have died from the floods and 113,000 people have needed to find refuge (these numbers are for the entire country). Stress levels are quite high in Bangkok simply because people have been waiting day by day wondering if the floods will hit them and how high the water will rise. I have spent this week working many, many long hours and the trip could still be cancelled tomorrow for safety reasons. It's funny how tomorrow is always uncertain because it's the future, and yet when a crisis hits, we are suddenly questioning every decision because we don't know the future, which we never would have known anyways!

This week has been a time for me to put faith into action. There is a way to face uncertainty tomorrow and still not worry about it today. It's doing everything I can in this now and not worrying about the next now. God has it.  Matthew did a fine job of recording what Jesus said about worry. It's basically this: keep living. Work. Do the very best you have with the information you have. Sow and reap. But once you have done all that you can do in the now that you have some control over, then stop. Say "God loves me more than the birds." And settle in on the fact that God so deeply loves you that you can trust Him to be in control of the next now that you have no control over. You don't have to worry because you are trusting in the only One who can do anything about the future. And you are on His mind. Always. He loves you.

Summer Recap :: the multimedia edition

As today is the unofficial last day of summer, it's only fitting that I do a summer recap. That and I have no Labor Day plans, so there you go.

My summer travel included that number one vacation destination: Bangalore, India. (check out the photos).  I also hit Charleston and San Francisco. But my favorite lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer were spent in my hometown of Windermere. There's just something about walking down dirt streets to the lake, eating soft serve ice cream, and spending time with my cousins and family that says maybe, just maybe, I really could be a Gilmore Girl.

best hat ever

Everybody loves Matthew!

Matthew, me, Emi, Kristin, Jake, Mary, Jessica

Summer was also spent running. Unbelievable, but it's true. So we can call this the summer of the smoothie. Vanilla almond milk, frozen strawberries, and half a banana is the recipe for bliss. Pure headache-inducing brain freeze bliss. But it's worth it. Oh so worth it.


We can't forget the great summer prediction where I posted on here that Casey Anthony would get off. That Daily Casey was good stuff, if I do say so myself. I cannot wait for Jeff Ashton's book to come out. can. not. wait. My sister beat me to the pre-order line for the library edition! Noooo!


This was also the summer of the podcast. With all that running, I listened to a lot of messages, but this one was definitely a repeater: the Staying in Love series. Big time recommend it. If you're married, single, or married and wish you were single (uh-oh!), put your headphones on and listen away. It's entertaining, challenging, and meaningful.

Ironically, the best part of my summer wasn't documented by a single picture or facebook status. Sometimes life takes you by surprise and the highlights aren't events, but the people you meet along the way. I hit the jackpot this summer.

And so I leave you with a happy summer song that really, really does not have christian values, but makes me smile and dance every single time I hear it. Now i'm off to pain my toenails pink one last time.

Why you must travel

"The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page." -St. Augustine

While I do not know if St. Augustine actually said this, I will continue to give him credit because my philosophy and theology are quite Augustinian in nature and more importantly it is very rude to disagree with a saint. Also, he uses 'book' and 'travel' in the same sentence: two-thirds of my holy trinity of books, travel, and coffee.

Ten years ago, I made my first trip out of the US. Since then, I have seen more countries than states. And now that Delta stamps my boarding pass with the coveted elite tag, I can make grandiose authoritative statements and feel even better about myself for doing so.

Eight Reasons Why You Must Travel (outside the United States):

8. Because the food tastes completely different than the same food does at Epcot and on International Drive

7. Because Americans have stereotypes and traveling helps you see how these are true

6. Because when you visit a person's home (country), you understand and know that person in a way you could never have otherwise

5. Because international flights give you unlimited complimentary drinks, personal televisions, and a folded blue eye mask (if you're lucky)

4. Because there is more than one way to drive on the road

3. Because you learn that you can do well with less

2. Because every person, from every nation, from every faith, has the image of God in them. And that's easy to forget when we only know people by they way they are portrayed in the news and movies. We need to look into their eyes, touch their hands, and see their beauty.

1. Because it's there

Tennessee should be proud

The first view that greeted me when exiting immigration in the Bangalore airport: 

Whiskey, Nutella, and the absence of forks

People think traveling is glamorous. Let me put it in perspective. It's the equivalent of going days without coffee and 4 consecutive hours of sleep is called a good night's rest. I'm not sure if that pounding inside my head is caffeine withdrawal, dehydration, or the jackknife drilling through cement across the street. But I'm not complaining. I love this life! And I wouldn't trade my job for anything in the world. Unless I got a job offer in Washington. Or a blank check to go back to school. Or got paid to write and drink coffee all day. Okay, so maybe the ol' job is hanging in the balance. But I digress.

When traveling to India, it is important to know the following:

• Your airplane will get sprayed with (hopefully) non-toxic citrus spray. Several cans will be used. Do not be alarmed. I know I wasn't.

• There is no limit to the amount of whiskey you can consume on an Air France flight

• "Traffic in Los Angeles is very obedient. Traffic in India, not so much." (as said by the Indian lady in the seat next to me). 

• Nutella makes any breakfast food palatable

• There are lots of dogs, and they all look the same

• When the immigration officer questions you, just keep looking forward and act like you don't understand the question. Eventually he will get tired, stamp your passport, and wave you through

• They don't use forks

turkish art

the view that greets me every morning in turkey

travel thoughts

1. I had a 4 hour layover in Amsterdam with full intention of exploring this great airport. Instead, I decided to sit down on this most amazing leather recliner and think about how I would get on the internet. I woke up with exactly 10 minutes to get to my gate to board.
   
2. I've eaten more authentically Turkish food in Scotland than I have in Turkey.
3. I arrived in Turkey around 1:45 in the morning. Alone. Thankfully, I was greeted by a nice guy about my age who taught me how to say "I'm very good." (interesting phrase choice).
   
4. I got into the hotel and checked into my room about 3 in the morning, at which point the guy at the reception desk said, "just five more minutes, then someone will help you to your room" and then another guy walked up, took my bags, and said asked me to climb into a golf cart and we drove away.
   
5. It is now 11pm and i'm sitting in the hotel lobby and I do not know how to get back to my room as the last time I went there was 3 am in a golf cart.
   

off

I'm getting on a plane today. So in case I can't blog, for the first time in a long while, I actually have a purely justifiable reason.

I'll be going here and here. For 3 weeks. What a happy life I live.

In other news, I got a free piano!

layover

I finally booked my plane ticket(s) today. Start to finish, 13 layovers. Thirteen. I am only going two places.

Booking the cheapest flight may have its consequences, but at least i'll have more stamps in my passport than you.

the art of listening

True story: I went to a 2 hour "Art of Listening" seminar by Dr. Larry Crabb and fell soundly asleep. When did Larry get that old?!? Nevertheless, I still managed to take some notes, which I will share here.

Download the audio seminar: Listening: the Spiritual Art of Discernment (Part I) and Listening: the Spiritual Art of Discernment (Part II).

And don't you worry, i'll be back to my short, quippy blogs soon enough.

We tell our stories as:

1. Tragedy--feel sorry for me, i'm a victim
2. Romance--i want to matter
3. Irony--i become a cynic, hungry for meaning
4. Comedy--my identity becomes a clown; i keep everything superficial; i'm scared to death to get real about how life really is

*uhh....why did I have the most notes for comedy?!?!

But here's the more honest way to tell our life story: as a transcendent drama. A grand story is taking place from eternity past to eternity future and I get to be a part of this drama.

And in this art of listening (hey, wake up!) here are 7 categories of thinking which ought to frame how we interact in relationship:

1. Teleological Curiosity
   
• Be curious about the direction God is taking the other person. The Spirit never sleeps. He is always working. In most conversations, we are so self-obsessed that we never ask, "What did you mean by that?"
2. Hidden Terror
• What is this person most afraid of?
3. Denied Desire
• We bear the image of a relational God. We long for relationship but we tend to deny them because they will ultimately only be bet in Christ. This either leads to great disappointment or great hope. We groan. Our desires leaves us empty.
4. Relational Sin
• We don't recognize what our real motivation is. God is committed to another's well-being at any cost to Himself. Yet we fall short of this every day. Jesus wasn't killed--He chose death.
  
5. Genuine Freedom
   
• The freedom to indulge what you most want to do. Christianity is not about restrictions but opportunity. It's about indulging the deepest desire of a God-invading heart. For the Christian the deepest desire is to be love and the deepest need is to be loved.
6. Anchoring Hope
• Anchoring hope from entitlement to expectancy. When God created people, what did He have in mind? He wanted to invite people to a party. Sanctification is dancing. When we say, "I'm sorry....but...." we aren't asking for forgiveness. Rather, we are offering an explanation. We want understanding. But God offers pure forgiveness. No understanding needed.
7. Promised Shalom
• Shalom is "everything the way it is supposed to be." He tells the parable of St. Augustine. Make a list of everything that you really want. Then God says, "I'll give you everything on that list, but on one condition: you will never see My face." The chill you just experienced is your deepest love.
  

a new way to live

On the first session of the first day, I heard from Dr. Tim Keller, pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian in New York City. He talked for about 40 minutes and if I didn't hear another message the entire time, I would have had enough to chew on. Download the entire talk: the Gospel in You.

Growing up, I used to play Monopoly (always wanted to be the banker so I could organize the colored money). In Monopoly, you can get these cards called a "Get out of jail free" card. Unfortunately for us, that's how we tend to the view the gospel. You were supposed to go to jail (hell). But then you believe that Jesus Christ paid the penalty for you and now you have a get out of jail free card. That's great for eternity, but it doesn't leave you with much in the here and now. A convict who has been pardoned has no money, no job, no home--but at least he doesn't have a jail cell.

You see, if all Christ did was forgive sinners, our future would look bright but our days would look dim. The pardoned convict has to prove time and time again that he is no longer the way he was, that he can be trusted, that he can do a job well, that he can be a full-fledged member of society with all its rights and privileges.

Sound familiar? It's exhausting to feel like you have to constantly prove yourself. Believe me. I know. You see, where I work, the majority of people raise their own financial support to get paid. And because we are sinful people, our tendency is to look at that as a litmus test of--let's just be honest here--holiness. The holier you are, the more you will trust God with your mortgage payment. And when you're a paid staff in a sea of supported, there's a lot of proving that goes on. (If I had a nickel for every time I was asked, "why are you here?") It's a fair question, to be sure, but one that immediately triggers a resigned emotional response--"you're right. I don't belong. there's a clearly defined circle and I'm not in it."

I don't say this to point fingers and I certainly don't say this for pity. But that's the framework I entered with for my fourth staff training experience. And on the first session of the first day, God had this message for me: the Gospel is not about you proving yourself. You don't have to justify your existence for being here. You are here because of My Son. And that's more than enough.

Here's the thing. I live my life as if the Gospel means I'm forgiven. Period. But if Christ only forgave me, I would be like that poor convict with a get-out-of-jail-free card. No prison cell, but no money, no job, no honor. Rather, He forgives and He justifies. He validates who I am and it's not based on what I do, where I work, or how I get paid, but it's based entirely on the finished work of Jesus Christ. Every good work that Christ did gets applied to me. It's going from being a convict to receiving the Congressional Medal of Honor--and doing absolutely nothing for it.

Free justification.

I get the honor, the robes, the crown, the cross and the nails. And then I live for Him. Not the other way around.

Colorado: a recap (part 1)

I promised an update from the training time in Colorado and it's high time I make good on my word.

"Make good." The grammar police within me is shuddering.

First, some background.

Wait, you were gone?! What was in Colorado?
I work with Campus Crusade for Christ and every two years we have a staff training in Ft. Collins, Colorado on the campus of Colorado State University. This year, I have my very own bright green CSU camelbak nalgene to prove I was there. Go rams.

Colorado? I want your job.
Yes. Yes you do. But do you really think 5,000 staff would fly to Orlando in July? Colorado it is.

What do you do while you're there?
A typical day goes like this: Morning session from 9:00 - 12:00. Afternoon seminars from 1:30 - 4:30. Evening session from 6:30 - 9:00. And did I mention 5,000 people? Translation: you are never alone. Also, there was free popcorn every day until midnight. Coffee was free too, but they believe in powdered creamer (straight from the devil himself) which meant I kept Starbucks in business.

Anything else I should know?
My flights to & from Denver were completely full. And I knew most people on the plane. Very weird. My living arrangements were very cheap which means I learned the hard way that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. I loved living in a college town, but I'm an east coast girl. I'm just not hippie enough to be a Colorado chick. Take me to Boston.

i'm in colorado

I'm in colorado on a computer, which means there is something fundamentally wrong with me. That and the fact that I can't bear leaving the computer lab without knowing if anyone has commented on the new facebook pictures that have been posted. narcissism at its finest.

YES! Rachel just wrote on my wall. Love it.

I promised updates on the conference and that will come. I'm still soaking in all that Tim Keller shared. Until then, here's a take on life in CO.

1. I lost my water bottle within 15 minutes. This shows how used to carrying water I am.
2. Every year I eat a free corn dog at the fair. This year, they ran out of corn dogs by the time I got there. I fear this is a bad omen.
3. I will never, no never, enjoy wearing a name tag

going to colorado

I'm going to colorado on tuesday (for work, lest you think this is an answer to the previous post).
Here some details:

1. I do not own a fleece. Name me one native floridian who owns a fleece. Name one.
   
2. I'm still raising funds to go. Want to help? Sure you do! https://give.ccci.org/give/5532060
3. Why is CVS Pharmacy 24 hours, yet close at 10pm?