Monday, November 14, 2005

quack

i visited my first doc-in-the-box on saturday (sorry to all you fledging med students should this offend). i should have known something was up when he told me he studied philosophy and then proceeded to grill me over the fact that i had never read the Bahavagad-Gita or taken an Eastern meditation class. Or maybe it was the fact that he invaded far too much of my personal space and then touched my eyeball with his finger. Either way, this guy was a quack.

The worse part came when he told me i had cataracts in both my eyes and accused me of lying to him by not saying what medications i was on....because obviously these were caused by steriod or other drug use.

And his vulgarity of choice was "bloody": as in, "you're so bloody nearsighted" (which he constantly kept repeating).

The end of the story? He didn't give me my prescription and said I had to come back next week.

Somehow, in all of this, I still managed to be the fool because I actually paid him.

And this, my friend, is why girls need husbands.

7 comments:

Patricia said...

Uh, what the heck are you talking about? What's a doc-in-the-box? And why didn't you just get up and leave his butt in his office after he said all the weird stuff to you? Those are my thoughts.

Amanda Lomonaco said...

Who was this quack "doctor?" Let your other nearsighted friends know so they don't make the same bloody mistake. I had a couple really good eye doctors in FL so let me know if you need a recommendation. Aren't cataracts something that old people suffer from? Certainly not mid-twentysomethings. Oh and real doctors are not supposed to make fun of your condition. You can't help it if you are nearly blind. Me, too. Don't we have almost the same prescription?

Jen R said...

An eye doctor that practices more philosophy than medicine...huh... sounds like you need to find another doctor. Was he just trying to intimidate you or was he really that mean?

Jeremy said...

Apparently you haven't checked out the new Germster's Unabridged Dictionary recently...

opthilosophist (op-thil-oss'-oh-phist) (noun) -- A practicing eye doctor (whether it be an optometrist or opthalmologist) who feels the need to subject his patients to his wild philosophical ideas while allegedly posing as a medical practitioner. Synonym for whacko.

You should consult the dictionary beforehand next time! :P

rocky said...

I'll bite. How did you find this "doctor?" I have recommendations for others.

And, for what it's worth (unsolicited commentary coming), I don't think you were a schmuck for paying him--he did perform a service, even if it was poorly done.

AND (because you know I can't resist), girls do not need husbands to protect them from quacks (besides, if husbands are necessary for protection, what do husbands need wives for?). I have the utmost confidence that you handled him just fine.

Amanda Lomonaco said...

One more thing...what would a husband have done to change the situation? Probably he wouldn't have been there at the appointment. Would you have him wait outside the office later to jump the duck, I mean doc?

Brian said...

hmm... I wonder if he would charge if you go to a different doctor and receive a different diagnosis. Perhaps one that is more reflective of your actual history.

Oh, and while cataracts are common in the elder adults, they can develop in the younger years as well.