Monday, August 25, 2008

On freedom and matters of the heart

Six years ago I set foot on the campus of RTS, not knowing where I was headed or what I was intending to do. Who am I kidding? I didn't even know what Reformed theology was. But (I'm not even joking here), they had a great slogan, good marketing campaign, and I was hooked.

Since graduating, I have traveled to 11 countries, can articulate the doctrines of Reformed theology in a succinct and compelling way, and I use bigger words. By now, I thought I would know where I'm headed or what I'm intending to do, but I don't. And that is precisely what is so freeing about being a student again.

You see, today was my first day back in the same chair, in the same classroom, as relatively the same person. But for the first time, the pressure was off--the pressure to perform; the pressure to prove that I belong even though I am a directionless girl; the pressure to discover God's unique calling on my life.

Granted, those struggles didn't magically go away this go 'round. I still found myself questioning if I belonged, and even though I have nothing to prove academically, in my heart I believe I do. What changed is the radical freedom that comes from knowing--deep down in my knower--that God sees that heart and still loves me. No amount of Bible study, mission trips, or career decisions will make Him love me more and absolutely nothing I can do will make Him love me less. If that's not freedom, I don't know what is.

"You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same."

Here's to living authentic lives.

2 comments:

Cindy Lynn said...

I do so love when you share your heart Karin! From one directionless girl to another, well done :)

rachel said...

cheers :)