Move over Jenny Craig

My health insurance will pay me $5 for every pound I lose between August 1 and December 31. Ever the savvy financier, I have decided to lose 4o pounds which will provide an easy $200 bucks. An excellent down payment on a new iPhone.

Of course, this will also put me roughly 40 lbs below the healthy body weight and will mean I can no longer give blood. Buh-bye, free Darden restaurant gift cards and cheap plastic pens. A small price to pay for a shiny 3G always connected toy.

The new diet plan and health regimen is in full swing. After one week, here is what I discovered:

1. Buying a Costco membership the same week you start a diet plan counteracts all the effort
2. Eating 5 avocados in one week also counteracts dietary efforts
3. Don't buy lettuce, mangos, or avocados in bulk for one person. Scratch that--don't buy in bulk for one person.
4. I ate healthier food this week than any other week in my entire life, and I gained weight.
   

As if that wasn't enough, I checked my blood pressure today at CVS Pharmacy. 88/48 with a resting heart rate of 56. Excuse me while I go pass out.