Monday, April 26, 2010

quit playing games with my heart

If you walk with God for any amount of time, then a day will come when you will wonder if He is callous or wicked. Sometimes He doesn't answer prayer, but it's easy enough (for me anyways) to convince myself that I didn't pray well enough. But other times -- like today -- He does answer prayer, but in the most backstabbing, spiteful way. It's one thing to feel screwed. It's another thing altogether to feel screwed by God.

Thankfully a pop sensation of my high school days gave me words to express my anger. "God - quit playing games with my heart" (Oh Backstreet Boys, I always knew you loved me).

So I told God that. And He didn't get mad at me and lightening didn't strike. And He didn't use mind-controlling super powers like Jasper (ooh, Twilight) to calm me down either. Instead, He asked me to keep talking to Him. And you know what? I did. Because in that moment -- when a wound that is just starting to heal got ripped open by the only Surgeon who has the power to heal -- I knew God was real. I knew without question that it was God who was wounding me.

We convince ourselves that God doesn't hurt us. And when we do get hurt -- and it's not by our own sin -- we wonder what happened to the good God? What happened to our dearest friend, our healer, our savior?

The answer? He's still there. He's a surgeon. He's cutting deep -- but you can trust Him because He's not reckless. Every pain, every disappointment, every hurt has purpose. And that purpose is far bigger than playing games with your heart. He's making you -- and me -- more like Christ. We're losing us and gaining Him. That's a good thing.

So if you're like me and feeling a little broken, a little shattered--take heart. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)


running shoes said...

I love you.
Your post today rocked!
I really needed to be reminded that it sucks with a purpose.
Thank you.

running shoes said...

p.s. I bought you dark chocolate almonds today.

Amanda Lomonaco said...

I am eating those almonds now, too. Thank you very much. They are amazing. And so is your post. Thanks for being real and raw, Karin. I wish that we could north it and chat over sweet tea.

Lindsey said...

Karin, you have no idea how much I needed to read that today. Thanks.

michael said...

Great post Karin. Beautiful, but in a deep and bloody kind of way.